Alot of things on my mind as of late...

Been working almost 70 hours a week and it's getting exhausting. Especially trying to fit the pieces of my life in the scenario.

Am looking at a position at the local hospital as a filing clerk. Furthermore, Im keenly interested in taking the beginner's EMT course at ACC. Everyone I've mentioned this to seems to think this is a good idea, and I think i would definitely enjoy pursuing that as a career goal. But I'm getting really tired of starting my life over again every couple of years. I need to find something that will stick. In a place I can stick in. As much as I admired the Beats and the whole roustabout cultural thing in my youth, I never thought I'd end up that way. I figured i'd eventually just fall into something that sticks, career, relationships, etc. My heroes have always been slackers, and I think that was a bad choice in retrospect.

I miss my friendship with a certain girl. I used to be able to tell her anything and she would listen. I've always felt like if there was something bad that happened to me she would be the first one to respond. And I worry that that's not the case anymore. Our encounters now are cold and distant, and I end up spending most of my time talking with her fiancee or something. I regard her as a sister, and she introduces me as her "old college friend". Not her friend, mind you, but her "old college friend"...emphasis on past. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but it feels like I don't have a place in her life anymore. Like I'm just some person that she used to know. That's certainly the case with the majority of my college friends, but with her it particularly stings. Maybe we're not supposed to be friends anymore.

I just want a life, a lifestyle, a persona that sticks. A circle of friends I can grow old(er)with. A home.

But isnt that what most people want?

Be cool and stay nice,

Bryan

NP: Ain't my type of hype by Full Force