I've been up and down and back around these past couple of weeks, and hence have kinda ever sorta let this diary go to shit again. I feel like I want to change how I update this diary. It's been a forum for personal introspective type stuff, and that's not the type of stuff I've been wanting to write. Alot of stuff has gone down/is going down over the past couple of months, and It's difficult to dwell on, mostly cause I don't know where to begin, or what to say.

A brief update:
My uncle died, one of the few family members who truly gave a shit about me, and I hadn't seen him or my aunt in over a year. Getting the call supremely bummed me out, and getting the call 5 days late/thus missing the funeral bummed me out even more. That said, in a weird sort of way, It's helped me remember how important some of my family still is to me.

My college roommate M got dumped by his gf of over two years, thus ending what in my mind was the perfect couple. Or at least the closest to perfection. As a result I've proposed moving in with him in his new apt. Though in all honesty, it's probably a step backward for the both of us. He really needs to get used to the idea of being alone, and I probably could use a little independence myself. But the money's good and it ultimately would be nice to spend a little more time getting to know my friend again.

I recently found myself "seeing" a girl with a boyfriend herself, something I swore I would never do, and now realize I have to take my female relationships a little more seriously. As much as I claim to loathe hookups and one night stands, they're very conducive to my lifestyle. Except when things like this happen. I need to take someone seriously. In particular, someone who would take me seriously. Yeah.

I was told recently that my problem is that I'm not careless, as much as I have nothing/or noone to care about. I don't know how accurate that statement is, but I do know that I want to be optimistic, I want to love, and that wanting might be greater than any negativity or lack of love I might have. Conversely, it's in human nature to always want what one doesn't have or can't have. Right?

I'm confusing myself....

Be cool and stay nice
Bryan

NP:Turn Down Day by The Cyrkle